WAITING

While others are now starting their different lives being independent, here I am, still living under the roof of my loving parents, depending on things they’re providing, feeling lost in my own home, helplessly yearning to find that very thing that God has planned for me. I know to myself that I’m destined to be better than this, that I’ve got way greater things in store for me out there but right now I can’t help myself from feeling so down and envy those individuals who are starting to find their own greatness.

Right now, everything’s so blurry, I don’t even know what I’m praying for. Every day I keep on asking God to give me that very thing that’s meant for me, but that’s it, I have no idea what that thing is, I don’t know what to do in order for me to get that thing and I feel so helpless.

I know I’m looking for a job, something that would make me independent and something that would make me help my family financially. I applied almost every job post online and offline but its three months now since I’ve started looking for it and I haven’t gotten any luck to find one. Now, I’m starting to lose confidence of myself, I would sometimes think that maybe, there’s something wrong with me. I keep on asking God where is it that He has promised me coz up until now, I still don’t have it.

Worst thing right now is that my family is in a very serious financial crisis, they can’t support me sending away from the comfort of this home for me to find a job. My father can’t barely find money to support our daily needs, much more sending me away.

I feel so helpless and I am not really happy with this. But right now, I don’t have the luxury to lose hope and stop trusting God, coz honestly, that’s the only thing that makes me smile every day after every hopeless thoughts I have. I know that it’s just out there, I just need to have a little more patient in waiting. I’ll get there, I’m sure of it. I am painfully hoping and waiting, and I hope God won’t lengthen this delay so much coz I think I’m gonna break.